Societal barriers to companionship for disabled people are real but it’s not on individuals to make their time and body freely available to me. Systemic barriers to sex are real but I as an individual do not need to compensate for the system making my body freely available to anyone who wants or “needs” it. I’m not exercising my “privilege” when I choose to not have sex with someone on an individual level. Companionship is still a use of your body and time and people don’t owe it to you even if it would help you. Of course no one owes you sex and implying they do or pressuring someone is toxic. Think about it, the minute we change companionship to sex - everyone is on board. Hell even when someone has all the resources and choses not to - that’s their choice.
So the fact that they don’t meet my needs isn’t indicative of power or privilege in of itself. They may be working multiple jobs and I’m working none because of my disability - that’s messy territory for “privilege”. Or a friend might consider me but not meet my social preferences because they’re swamped with their own life stuff and only have so much energy to spare. It just is.Ī friend might not consider me because of their ableism. If a friend doesn’t consider my limitations and preferences, it’s a natural consequence we won’t have as strong of a relationship, not them having privilege and me being a victim. Able people don’t owe me their companionship. With isolation and disability, to me it still stands. You’re also not responsible for it with other people. If a lack of a sense of safety is coming up because you’re not getting the social contact you want, that’s on you to manage. People do not owe you their companionship. When it comes to isolation - more often than not it just simply is. Sometimes that power differential is just rooted in the circumstance itself - like with disability. Sometimes that power differential was created and enforced - like whiteness. Privilege also generally refers to people/situations where there is some sort of power differential. Privilege is a category of experiences that still depend on their contexts as what what’s right, wrong, or neither.
Sometimes privilege is derived from previous individual and systemic actions which were deeply immoral. The privilege is in what they don’t have to think about, what they don’t have to spend their resources trying to navigate in order to live and the options they have that I don’t. Or any of the other myriad of implied meanings it’s taken on. But the people around me who can use them regularly don’t owe me something when they use them. It’s privilege that an able bodied person can walk up and down the stairs. I’ve still not gotten a follow up question but I got to thinking about how one of the reasons this is hard to answer is because people have taken privilege fully outside of the context and definitions it was supposed to apply to. Shoot me a follow up question with a little more specificity and I’ll do my best to answer. If it’s relevant, I’m a disabled person in a high conflict/abusive relationship I can’t leave right now and the post is definitely informed by that.
I’d really love to answer this question but privilege is pretty broad and even with how you narrowed it down I’m not sure what you’re getting after here. Role in someone's sense of safety someone sense of danger, disability, other things like that? Okay I hear you with the loneliness versus isolation versus socialness post, what about privilege? Too privileged.
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I’ll share the results and what remediations make the most sense to me in at least a couple free ways at some point. There is no reward and no pressure to participate. If you know your birth information and at least the date of a coming out experience but preferably the time too - it would really help my little research project out. Hello folks! I’m working on a personal research project and would love to hear from folks about their coming out experiences.
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